Car insurance with no deposit?

"It jumped out and hit me, officer!"

As we say in the North; "there's nowt as funny as folk." There now follows some of the weakest, most pathetic, and excruciatingly funny excuses made by drivers who filled in insurance claims forms and reduced even staid, upright insurance assessors to helpless, hysterical wrecks.

•As I tried to turn around the corner a hedge suddenly sprang up and obscured my view of the road in front.

•As I was approaching the stationary traffic I applied my brakes but the traffic was more stationary than I had first realised.

•I had been driving down that road for 25 years when I lost concentration and hit the pedestrian.

•I had one eye on the traffic, one on a child by the side of the road and one on the car behind.

•I had to swerve all over the road before I managed to hit the pedestrian.

•I knew there was a speed limit on that road but it was well past midnight and I didn't think that it applied at that time.

•I ran into a stationary car which was driving in the opposite direction.

•I realised that a collision was inevitable so I accelerated hard and smashed into the back of the car.

•I swerved to avoid a telegraph pole which is why I ran into it.

•I was aware that the dog was often unruly in the car. However I would not have allowed her to drive it if I had realised there would be a problem.

•I was driving at approximately 70 miles an hour behind another car when it suddenly broke without reason or warning.

•I was driving home and turned into my drive but it was the wrong house. My car collided with a tree in my drive. I do not have a tree in my drive.

•I was in the slow lane of the motorway. Another car was coming up very fast behind in the middle lane. I pulled out into the middle lane but the other car failed to brake in time.

•I was not used to power steering. I turned the wheel little too far and found myself going back the way I had come.

•I was trying to kill a fly in the car so I ran over the pedestrian.

•My girlfriend was pillion passenger. She was holding onto me but her hands slipped down to my testicles and I lost control of my motorbike.

•My windscreen was broken but there was no cause for this. I suspect voodoo.

•The car caught fire so I smothered my wife with a blanket.

•The car hit me at a high-speed and my head went through the windscreen and rolled off when the car stopped. Fortunately I was still conscious so was able to avoid more serious injury.

•The car that hit mine was invisible. After the collision it just disappeared.

•The gentleman had a sad face and moved extremely slowly as he rose up over my car and bounced off the bonnet.

•The gentleman was running hard away from my car but I managed to hit him.

•The lady in the car behind struck my backside, slid off and rested in a ditch with just her rear end visible.

•There were no witnesses to the accident until after it had happened.

•When I collided with the bollard it had suddenly appeared on the road in a place where it never appeared in the past.

•When I put my head out of the window I assumed that it was down. I was mistaken.

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